I Know, the W Stands for Wordsmith

One day, off in the distant future, a history professor will assign the task of identifying George Bush's greatest accomplishment to some poor student. After the uproarious laughter dies down and the pupils, wiping the tears out of there eyes, attempt to resume normal breathing, the professor may say that he is not kidding. While this is clearly an abusive assignment that the teacher has proposed to cause the student to fail, I think that I have found the one possible solution.

As far as I know, George Bush is the only president who has created his own language. While I am no lexigrapher, I believe that I have achieved a basic understanding of this language and as it's discoverer I name it "Dubyalish."

The rules of Dubyalish are simple, your actions must be in complete opposition to your language.

You must call yourself a "Uniter" (remember that one?) when your every action drives a wedge between those who have opposing views.

You must say that you are "for the troops" when you have consistently undermined their missions, ignored the advice of their leaders and have attempted to cut their pay and benefits.

You must call yourself a "War President" when, in reality, you shamelessly used your families influence to avoid serving in Vietnam. Surround yourself with other men who went to even greater lengths to avoid the war. (Dick Cheney)

When creating legislation, you give it a name that is in complete opposition to the legislation itself. The "Clean Air Act" must ignore green house gases, allow polluters to increase emissions, allow auto manufacturers to reduce fuel efficiency, create more acid rain and reduce the fines the polluters will face when caught. It is also prudent that such legislation should cut funding for the EPA and put former industry executives in charge of the agency.

Create a bureaucratic knot that binds schools to massive increases in standardized testing. (I remember when conservatives used to say things like: "Who knows better you or the Government" and "we don't need another bureaucracy." God those were the days.) Remember to under-fund it. Make sure that it is developed in a way that only the wealthiest schools meet the standard so that we can punish the schools in the poor communities by taking away there funds! Call it "No Child Left Behind!"

Prop up hated dictators in countries such as Saudi Arabia, Pakistan and Kuwait, while simultaneously creating an unneccesary war with a country that had nothing to do with the 9/11 attacks. Allow this to distract you from capturing Osama Bin Laden and Mullah Omar. Call this your "War on Terrorism."

Mr Bush has provided translation in some instances. He has told us that to "disassemble", while meaning to take apart in English, means to lie in Dubyalish. "Catapulting the Propaganda" means to tell truth.

This language is filled with unanswered mysteries. I fear that unless I can uncover some type of "Dubyalish Rosetta Stone" I will never know the meaning of these:

"If a person doesn't have the capacity that we all want that person to have, I suspect hope is in the far distant future, if at all." -George W. Bush, May 22, 2001

"It's very important for folks to understand that when there's more trade, there's more commerce." -George W. Bush, at the Summit of the Americas in Quebec City, April 21, 2001

"I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 29, 2001

"Redefining the role of the United States from enablers to keep the peace to enablers to keep the peace from peacekeepers is going to be an assignment." -George W. Bush, Jan. 2001

"They misunderestimated me." - George W. Bush, Aug 5, 2004

"Will the Highways on the Internet become more few?" - George W. Bush, Jan 29, 2000

"I know how hard it is to put food on your family." -George W. Bush, Jan 27, 2000

"Families is where our nation finds hope; where wings take dream." -George W. Bush, (Oct 2000)

"I think we agree, the past is over." - George W. Bush, May 10, 2000)