Exclusive: Pat Robertson and Hugo Chavez Going Steady

take out v:

1. To extract; remove: took the splinter out.
2. To secure (a license, for example) by application to an authority.
3. Informal To escort, as a date.
4. To give vent to: Don't take your frustration out in such an aggressive manner.
5. To obtain as an equivalent in a different form: took out the money owed in services.
6. To begin a course; set out: The police took out after the thieves.

Slang:

1. To kill; murder: Two snipers took out an enemy platoon.
   
2. To search for and destroy in an armed attack or other such encounter: Combat pilots, flying low to avoid radar, took out the guerrilla leader's bunker in a single mission.

Source: Dictionary.com

Virginia Beach, Virginia: In an attempt to dispel the mounting criticism over statements made on the August 22 airing of The 700 Club, Pat Robertson told this interviewer today, that he and Hugo Chavez are indeed romantically involved. "Jesus Christ, where did you get that picture?" Squealed Pat, as he looked at the above photo. "I look awful. Holy shit, do I need an oatmeal bath!" Then we sat down and got to the topic of his August 22nd show. "I can understand where the 'Liberal Media' would attempt to bend the meaning of what I said and take it out of context, but honestly, read the transcript. I'm very clear. " Pat went on to state "Hugo and I have been seeing each other for quite some time, we have several kittens that we call our children. There's little Che, he's a little devil, always ambushing the others and... oh Mao, he's Siamese. He so diabolical but he has the prettiest eyes! I just adore him."

When asked about why Americans should believe him when he clearly used the words 'assassinate' and 'take out' in the same context, and in fact, in the same paragraph, Pat just giggled and stated: "I'm a little embarrassed about this, but what I actually said was 'his ass is great!' The sound quality wasn't that good and it's a little hard to understand but I was gushing about how cute he looks in that little uniform of his. I could just eat him up!"

The interview went on for some time and covered such mundane topics as window treatments, trips to their favorite B&B in Provincetown Massachusetts and a painful Brazilian Hot Wax incident, which I may cover in a future human interest article, but I think that this can put the whole Assassinate Hugo Chavez fantasy to rest. Don't You?