Bring Out Your Dead, Bring Out Your Dead!
Here's one -- nine pence.Monty Python
For those of you who read this blog and still don't think that the Bush Abomination is a pack of lifeless ghouls who are constantly conspiring to create more profit off of our misery, this is my advice to you: stop reading this story right now. Exit out of this blog, shut down your computer and turn on Fox News with the volume set at full. Sit on your couch, in the fetal position and rock gently back and forth for several hours. Do not stop until you have a firm mental image of George Bush, dressed in a flowing white robe, giving daisies to clean, happy Iraqi children in a beautiful meadow of green. Once you have achieved this, you may have the fortitude to come back and finish the article, but don't count on it.
You see, we don't just give no bid contracts to our friends for business in Iraq. We give them to our buddies in New Orleans as well. And I'm not talking about an ice cream concession either. We gave the monumental task of taking care of all of the dead to a company who is owned by one of King George's best friends.
Now I expect nothing but croneyism, inside deals, exploitation and profiteering off of our misery from these ghouls. It's just usually not this bad. Once when I would read an article like this, everything would fade to white and I would come to my senses several seconds later, holding my monitor over my head, while making loud, disturbing guttural noises. Now I usually just get a quick taste of bile in my mouth and my left eye twitches a bit. I've come a long way.
My problem with this story is I have been all over the home-page of Service Corporation International, the business in question, and I now know that they are "dedicated to compassionately supporting families at difficult times, celebrating the significance of lives that have been lived, and preserving memories that transcend generations, with dignity and honor. " What I can't find though is what type of wild animals do they use to consume the exhumed and abandoned remains of our loved ones.
Bear with me because this is important. When the remains are exhumed and mixed with the remains of other individuals, to be unceremoniously dumped in the woods, are they then eaten by rats or raccoons or dogs or alligators or skunks or pigs or some combination? Do we, the grieving family, have some choice in this? Is there a form that has the itemized pricing options for the different types of carrion feeders?
Should we decide that we do not want to go the "eco-friendly" recycling route, do we get a rebate if we choose to have our dearly departed crushed down burial vaults so that other vaults can be piled upon them? And if so, is it done in a tasteful, significantly respectful manner?
Ok I guess by now you're wondering where all these questions are coming from. The ghouls that the Bush Abomination has tasked with this job recently paid out a $100,000,000.00 (the zeros make it seem bigger) settlement because they were caught doing all of those things to people who they were paid to inter "with dignity and honor." According to WAFB Channel 9, Baton Rouge LA "In recent years, the giant firm has been sued in several states for its mishandling of bodies."
Tell me the truth. Did George Bush just poke one of those cute little kids eyes out and stick a daisy in the socket? No... let me help you. Image that it was Terri Schaivo that they fed to the rats.
For those of you who read this blog and still don't think that the Bush Abomination is a pack of lifeless ghouls who are constantly conspiring to create more profit off of our misery, this is my advice to you: stop reading this story right now. Exit out of this blog, shut down your computer and turn on Fox News with the volume set at full. Sit on your couch, in the fetal position and rock gently back and forth for several hours. Do not stop until you have a firm mental image of George Bush, dressed in a flowing white robe, giving daisies to clean, happy Iraqi children in a beautiful meadow of green. Once you have achieved this, you may have the fortitude to come back and finish the article, but don't count on it.
You see, we don't just give no bid contracts to our friends for business in Iraq. We give them to our buddies in New Orleans as well. And I'm not talking about an ice cream concession either. We gave the monumental task of taking care of all of the dead to a company who is owned by one of King George's best friends.
Now I expect nothing but croneyism, inside deals, exploitation and profiteering off of our misery from these ghouls. It's just usually not this bad. Once when I would read an article like this, everything would fade to white and I would come to my senses several seconds later, holding my monitor over my head, while making loud, disturbing guttural noises. Now I usually just get a quick taste of bile in my mouth and my left eye twitches a bit. I've come a long way.
My problem with this story is I have been all over the home-page of Service Corporation International, the business in question, and I now know that they are "dedicated to compassionately supporting families at difficult times, celebrating the significance of lives that have been lived, and preserving memories that transcend generations, with dignity and honor. " What I can't find though is what type of wild animals do they use to consume the exhumed and abandoned remains of our loved ones.
Bear with me because this is important. When the remains are exhumed and mixed with the remains of other individuals, to be unceremoniously dumped in the woods, are they then eaten by rats or raccoons or dogs or alligators or skunks or pigs or some combination? Do we, the grieving family, have some choice in this? Is there a form that has the itemized pricing options for the different types of carrion feeders?
Should we decide that we do not want to go the "eco-friendly" recycling route, do we get a rebate if we choose to have our dearly departed crushed down burial vaults so that other vaults can be piled upon them? And if so, is it done in a tasteful, significantly respectful manner?
Ok I guess by now you're wondering where all these questions are coming from. The ghouls that the Bush Abomination has tasked with this job recently paid out a $100,000,000.00 (the zeros make it seem bigger) settlement because they were caught doing all of those things to people who they were paid to inter "with dignity and honor." According to WAFB Channel 9, Baton Rouge LA "In recent years, the giant firm has been sued in several states for its mishandling of bodies."
Tell me the truth. Did George Bush just poke one of those cute little kids eyes out and stick a daisy in the socket? No... let me help you. Image that it was Terri Schaivo that they fed to the rats.
posted by Paul Skogstrom at 5:12 AM
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